Do you want to be right, or happy? That's your fork in the road.

    My friend Rose used to always want to be happy. If we, “her friends aren’t happy, then she’s not happy.” That was a direct quote.
   But there was also this part of her that really loved to be right. When she said certain people would never like or accept her, there was no talking her out of it, or at least it was pretty hard. If she thought someone was cheating her, which was often, she’d do everything in her power to prove her point. She’d argue on and on in an effort to be right.
   Usually the stuff she knew she was right about had to do with old beliefs. 

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Men couldn’t be trusted. Someone was always lurking around some corner to take what was hers. Money was hard to make. Rarely did she go to the mat for some current belief like Twitter was better than Facebook, or Androids are better than iPhones, or roses over peonies (she worked for a florist, interestingly). Nope. Those questions were worth exploring and she didn’t which won the argument.
   It was just the old generalizations that she knew she was right about.
   Rose tries really hard not to prove herself right like that anymore.
   She underwent a really difficult situation last year, and phoned me, “Joanne, what do I do? I can’t let this happen in my life. I’m getting fired. I love my job.”
   Using The Happiness Process, I got her to reveal her fears, because her fears were thoughts that would show up as actual events in her future. “I’m too old,” she told me. “And I cost too much. And I just know someone younger is coming in to replace me.”
   Holding onto beliefs like these was obviously not in her best interest.
   But after spending almost a half hour trying to get her mind out of the trap it was in, I finally said, “Okay, Rose. You’re right. You’re too old. You cost too much. And someone younger’s coming in to replace you. Is that what you really want? Would you rather be right and prove your beliefs justified, or would you rather be happy by creating an experience that gives you joy? Your choice. It’s your thoughts. It’s your life.”
   She was quiet for a long and tortured minute. Then she said, “Of course I don’t want to be right about this. I want to be happy. Why would you think that?”
   I burst out laughing.
   When I did, she joined in, because she knew from where I was coming. She’d read my books. She knew my process. She knew her best chance at having a positive outcome was if she changed her mind about what was possible, and that she changed it in such a way that it benefited everyone involved. Her bosses would get what they needed. Her co-workers too. And her potential replacements would have their dream jobs, elsewhere. And she, too, would get what she wanted. Which was to just keep her job. No demotion. No promotion. Just Rose doing what she loved, working close to home, and the people who received her arrangements were delighted and highly recommended her boss’s florist shop. Everybody wins.
   I can’t really tell you what happened with Rose’s potential replacements, but whatever plans there were to replace her melted into the ether. “They never brought it up again,” she told me. “Work is fine. Orders are up. I can’t even figure out why they told me they were considering letting me go. It’s like a bad dream I awoke from. And in the process, I really realized how much I get in the way of myself.”
   “How so?”
   “When you asked me if I wanted to be right or happy, I realized that that often is the choice. And why would I ever choose being right if it meant I would be unhappy? Thank you for point that out to me.”
   “You’re most welcome,” I told her. “But it’s not like I never have to ask myself that same question!”
   Do you have a similar creating story? Send it to me so I can share it with others.

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"If we, as parents, are clueless in our own lives, how can we empower our children with a blueprint to ensure that their life is their greatest contribution to the world and their own happiness? READ THIS BOOK AND SHARE IT WITH YOUR FAMILY!" K. Jensen

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